I put Tami up on the topic because I KNOW that she'll understand this. Okay so most of you know that I'm in reunion with my birthfamily on my birthmom's side. I found 5 brothers and a sister along with my reunion.
Here's my dilema. I'm getting hurt by things not said by my siblings.
Not said you say? Yep......
My adoptive mom is going through chemo right now for breast cancer and they also found a mass on her ovary which they will remove once she's done with chemo. My birthmom always asks "honey how's your mom doing" but my siblings won't mention it at all to me. They know about it but yet they don't say "how's your mom doing". This bugs the Heck out of me and I'm not sure if I should feel this way.
In one sense I understand why they don't ask being that they have no real connection with my adoptive mom, but yet you'd think that they'd care about my feelings on how my mom is doing. They seem to skirt the issue. I'm actually feeling like they don't give a hoot about MY life that was chosen for me. Do you KWIM?
Maybe they are not sure how you feel about it. I know with my Mom I had friends that figured I was just SICK of talking about it and having everyone ask how she was or how I was. Maybe they are just not sure if you want to talk about it.
I'm sorry they do ask about your mom.. They should ask how she is doing.. I would think. Peggy(Birth sister) and bmom allways asked about Mom. like little things How she passed away was she a good cook stuff like that. My one brother I dont ever have a chance to talk with him and Bdad and brother is allways asking how my family is doing. What do they say when you bring her up to them? Maybe they just feel a little weird about the whole thing.
By the way how is your Mom?? My X sister in law passed away 2 days ago. she was the same age as me..I'm still in shock.. I want to call her family but I cant fine their phone #.
The funny thing is that if I mention my mom at all they change the subject real quick. They used to ask about my parents all the time. It's just weird to me and maybe I shouldn't judge so quickly. Maybe they do feel strange about the situation. I just wish I could figure them out. I think I might have a talk with my birthmom and ask her about it. I wonder how they'll deal with me if anything happens to my mom. Then I won't be in their mood for skirting the issue and might blow up or something.
And to top it off.... I'm about ready to throw one of the brothers to the curb. His wife has a BIG mouth and doesn't know when to keep it shut. I was telling my brother about Anthony (told him it was in confidence) and he told his wife. His wife then told her daughter and the daughter immediately went back to Anthony. Anthony doesn't really care, but I'm so mad that I could spit nails. This isn't the first time that the wife has done something like this and last time I told my brother to put his wife into check before I beat the crap out of her (lol). The things that she does is not innocently done. It's malicious and I'm sick and tired of it. The last time when Anthony was going through his teenage problems she told him and I quote "I'm so sorry that you have to be raised in a family like this". WTF was that all about. Well what she meant to say was being raised in a white family vs black family. But it didn't come out that way and just upset Anthony more. I've had it with this women and since my brother is married to her I have no reservations kicking them BOTH to the curb because he can't seem to control her (kwim?). And to top it all off they're suppose to come to MY house for Thanksgiving. Well, if I allow them here then it's on my turf and she won't be very thankful - LOL.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you Stacey. I have been dealing with issues at school and with M. He is really aggravating me. (long story and btw, I did change my email addy and messengers)
Back to your situation. Deary the first thing I would do is stand up to them. Tell them you notice what is going on, it upsets you because you do not understand why they feel the need to skirt around this issue and ask what can be done about it. Point blankly tell them, look this is my mom and she deserves to be considered after all she went through with me. This does not take away from my birth mother in the slightest. You just have to realize I have technically two mothers. Stress the importance of trying to understand where they are coming from and what is causing this tension.
As for your bro... some people are not meant to know things in the strictest of confidence. Obviously he does not believe in keeping his mouth shut. So instead of kicking him to the curb, simply limit what you tell him. I am not willing to see you burn that bridge... just yet. As for his wife, tell her flat out you do not appreciate her spilling what she knows to everyone. Do not mince words. If you hurt her feelings, then that is a lesson SHE NEEDED TO LEARN! grr
Stand up for yourself dear and make them understand while you are willing to try to help resolve the situation and attempt to get everyone comfortable you are not a rug to be walked on. You are an awesome woman and deserve better than what you are getting!
Regarding T's comments... Hell ya people piss me off. Especially recently!
You guys are the best. Jeff actually talked with my brother while I was out attending to my aunt. My brother claimed that he didn't know that it was confidential (b.s) and that he was sorry. Jeff told him that it was downright malicious of his wife and that he will not tolerate me being treated in that manner. In other words, he laid the law down and the rules to abide by.... FUNNY!!! Anyway, I'm going to take your advice and call him before they come down and find out the why's of the situation.
So.... anybody up for a long awaited vacation. I think somewhere warm, surrounded by beach with drinks in our hands. WHO'S IN???? LOL
Stacey, I am soo there on the vacation. I am completely stressed out. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you get some answers. Love ya back lady.
