Well as you know my FIL passed away alittle over a week ago. I thought that would be the end of the road as far as situations for the family but NOOOOOO!!! it keeps going on.
My amom goes in for a biopsy today on her breast. She had a mammogram done in Feb and they saw nothing. She felt a lump and went back to the doc just a couple of days ago. They did another mammogram and again NOTHING. Well they did an ultrasound and found the lump. She had a biopsy before and it turned out to be nothing. Just pray that this is the same thing. I'll tell ya that woman is a rock. She's been through lung cancer (1 lung removed in 1993) and has been in remission all this time. It saddens me because my mom is one of my best friends.
Then if that isn't enough my dad's sister who will be 80 in November in showing signs of dementia. She lives near me in a rather large house. She had her daughter living with her (daughter has down syndrome) but last week the daughter fell and they placed her in the hospital. The hospital then said that she needed rehabilitation and placed her in a nursing home to get the help that she needed. I went with my aunt on Sunday to see my cousin and they had her so over medicated it wasn't funny. She refused to feed herself and I had to give her the breathing treatments because the nurses were too busy - UGH. Anyway, on the way home I was talking to my aunt about finding another place for my cousin and she agreed only to get a call late that night with the news that my cousin was being taken back to the hospital because she BROKE her hip. Now how in the world did that happen? Was it the original fall? Was it the nursing home? Not sure, but I'm going to get the answers. Anyway, after talking with my dad he too sees that his sister is not in her "right" mind all the time and now wants me to talk her into selling the house and moving to assisted care (more like independent living she'd have her own apartment and such). Now HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSE TO DO THAT???? I mentioned yesterday to my aunt that I was worried about here rambling alone in that big house and worried about her driving. YES she's still driving but they really need to take her license away because she gets lost ALOT then stops and asks strangers how to get to places and even asks them if she can follow them to where she needs to go!! VERY SCARY SITUATION. The situation with my aunt and cousin wouldn't be so bad but now the state is getting involved because when my cousin would fall in the house (she's extremely overweight and can't get around very good) my aunt would call the fire department. The fire department turned her in to social services and now the state is trying to get conservatorship for my cousin. My aunt wants me to take conservatorship but I explained to her that my cousin might not come home due to her health and inability to get around. I also told her that I'd have to do what's best for my cousin and my aunt. My aunt, however, wants me to try and help her get my cousin home. I'm almost inbetween a rock and a hard place. My aunt has already lost two down syndrome children. One was six months of age and the other was in 2002 at the age of 49 which is exceptional for downs. My other cousin still living is 51 and as they get older the heart conditions, seizures, etc get worse and the meds get to be more and more. My cousin broke her hip once before when she was hit by a car (driver was blinded by the sunlight and didn't see her) in the 70's and it takes longer for downs kids to heal. So now this surgery might really take a toll on her for the broken hip this time.
Anyway - as you can see it's never a dull moment around here and I'm ready for a vacation FAR FAR AWAY!!!!
Received a call that the biopsy is not good. My mom has cancer again. I'll tell ya this lady is amazing with her positive attitude and I'm a basket case. I ended up leaving work right after the call because of everything going on right now I was losing it (literally).
I talked with my brother last night and he too is still processing the information.
Well they say that God never gives you more than you can handle. I hope they're right because I've had enough.
I'm so sorry about your mom and everybody else..My heart breaks for you for all the stuff that your going thou. There is wonderful treatments for breast cancer now.. she is in our prayers..
I am sooo sorry to hear about all of these issues. I do not even know where to begin to address them at but I have to agree with you on needing answers and NOW! Sheesh. My prayers go out to you and your mom. I hope she gets through this round just fine. I hope you are able to find the strength to get through this as well. It is never easy being a caretaker or handling the stresses of someone in your family being so ill. Big hugs to you and hang in there. If you want to talk, know I will be glad to listen and am only a phone call or im away.
Thank you ladies. I luv you guys so much for being there. Now for an update on my aunt.
As you know my aunt has been kind of "losing it" when it comes to her memory. Her memory is getting worse fast EVERYDAY. She left me 2 messages yesterday within 15 minutes of each other telling me that my cousin was in the hospital and if I wanted to visit her this is where she is at. Fine, but her and I talked about it 3 days prior and I had already visited with my cousin. I called her and nicely told her "hey you know you left two messages within 15 minutes of each other about the same thing that I already knew", her reply was "I did.... what did I say". This hit a red light in my head that something is really wrong. She then proceeded to tell me that she had been to the doctor's office who is now testing her for Alzheimers. She said that she took my advice and seeked help. That's fine and dandy. I'm so proud that she listened but we still have a problem.
I called my dad who is her brother and he too is VERY worried. He then asked me how I'd feel becoming her guardian (because I have a way with her and her stubborness). I sat there for a moment and of course said "sure" "no problem". What am I crazy???? Not only am I dealing with my father in laws death and my mom's cancer but now this? Gotta laugh though because I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
My dad and I are meeting with my aunt tomorrow. I know for a fact she doesn't remember my conversation with her because I called her after I talked to my dad and told her to write down that I would take her to visit my cousin on Sunday. My dad then called her and said that he would be at her house to "visit" on Sunday (same time as me) and she said "that would be great I'll get Chinese food because I won't be seeing Sandra until Monday". HELLO!!! she wrote it down which tells me that she doesn't even remember that I'm coming by tomorrow.
Anyway - the whole point of the visit with my dad and I is to talk my aunt into letting me have guardianship and power of attorney so I can get her the help that she needs and pay her bills. I know this will be a tough day for both my dad and I but with all that he's dealing with (with my mom and all) it's the least I can do since my brother and sister are useless in this department and very self servient - kwim?
There's a saying that "God never gives you more than you can handle"... okay I believe that but is he done with me yet???? LOL
Your taking on a lot.. just make sure you take care of yourself too.. Hows your mom feeling?? when do they start the chemo?? Hugs to you and stay strong..if you ever want to talk just let me know ok.
I know what you mean by taking on alot. Someone said "you don't just have a plate full but a platter full". Never thought of it that way but I don't feel that it's too much - yet! I'll yell "Uncle" when necessary.
My dad and I talked with my aunt and at first she was real reluctant and defensive. That was certainly to be expected. We didn't mention guardianship but told her that we'd like HER to make the decisions while she can and not us. I'm now on the hunt for an assisted facility that can house both my aunt and my cousin so they can live their lives out together. I won't stop until I find something where they're independent but yet cared for - kwim?
My mom called me and said that the report stated that the cancer is at stage 1 (which is lowest). She'll find out from the doctor if they'll do just a lumpectomy and chemo/radiation but her appointment isn't until the 12th of August (finest breast doctor around). We're trying to get her in sooner. Mom is in great spirits and told me not to worry that she beat it once and she doesn't intend to let this go around get her.
And of course Anthony has to do something boneheaded and it just added to the fire. Anthony is easy to deal with but he NEEDS to grow up because he's driving me NUTS!!!
Anyway - gotta run for now. I'll keep you updated and try to get on here as much as possible.
Guardarianship... now there is a novel topic I can approach mom with NOT! She will be 85 in a little more then a week. She has been so cantankerous lately it is not even funny. Duchie, I do not envy you at all. I remember what step-father was like when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But he more or less went from 0-60 on going down hill as his was complicated by alcoholism. But you have to do what you have to do. There is going to come a point in time where you do nothing but beat your head up against a wall wondering since she will have lost almost everything why she still hangs on. I am sure Tami can relate to this.
I hope things smooth out a bit soon. What on earth did Anthony do this time that has you in such a tizzy?
Last night we got a call that Anthony was taken to the emergency room at a local hospital in the town where he's living. The call was from one of his roommates. She said that he had taken an overdose of Niquil gel caps and was slitting his wrists.
We called the hospital and Jeff talked with the ER doc attending to Anthony. He said that Anthony was not feeling well and they were treating it as on O.D. But he didn't mention the slitting of his wrists. We arrived at the hospital where Anthony and his friends were and found that he had taken over 90 gel caps within a 48 hour period of time and was slicing his arm (slicing everywhere but his wrists).
We stayed with him as they made him drink the charcoal drink and IV dextrose for several hours before they transferred him to another hospital closer to us. He's now in ICU under careful watch because of the possible damage that he has done to his liver. It was enflamed last night according to tests but much better today.
When we asked Anthony why he did this he said that last Friday he was caught stealing T-shirts from a store and was to be fingerprinted in acouple of days along with a court date later next month. Jeff and I are still in shock and he now says that he didn't know how to cope with it and didn't want to be a disappointment in our eyes. WTF.... are you kidding me. We have NEVER put high expectations on that child and only told him to "do his best". It was almost a slap in the face because he has everything handed to him and wants for NOTHING.
Anyway.... Jeff ensured that Anthony still has a job and is acting like a mother hen. This is where Jeff and I are at odds. If he keeps this up Anthony will NOT learn anything. He needs to learn that there's a reaction for every action and needs to deal with it himself. Now that doesn't mean that he aren't there for him because we will always be there but can't do everything for him.
So..... He should be released tomorrow and start intensive therapy. This is just another thing to add to the platter of things happening around here. I'm toast and done. Serve me up on a plate because I've had it.
As far as my aunt? My aunt got very beligerent with me yesterday and frankly I can't force her to do anything. My dad and I have decided to let it go and unfortunately wait for a tragedy to occur before taking action. What will happen is that my cousin will probably become a ward of the state and my aunt will call and ask for help. Then the ball will be in my court and we'll do things my way. My backbone is back and I'm taking a stand.
I bet ya'll think I'm crazy but I'm not. Drunk.... NO. Should I be? Probably.
I bet you just want to kill him.. God! I'm so sorry that your going through all of this.. let your dad take care of your aunt right now and you take care of your son.. You allready knew that I just went through some of the same stuff , It will get better.. Yes like Lyn said I can relate to most of what your going through.. Be strong.
Crazy? Nope, honestly I don't know how you have managed to go this long without losing it. Drunk? Hell ya! I would if I were you. You are due that is for sure!
I am sorry to hear Anthony is taking it out that way. I have to wonder if it is more about him then him being worried about how you guys would take him being arrested for doing what he did. Therapy? I hope so, sounds like he needs to vent and figure things out. I wish him all the best!
Why is it when we have our platters full that people feel the need to act up or in this case act out? As if we are not stressing enough as is! You are a far better woman then I would be in your place that's for sure. Hang in there... It has to get better!
